Bridal Shower Basics

Comment Written by anne on August 27, 2010 – 5:00 am

So you are tasked with throwing a bridal shower…what is the etiquette?  Who do you invite?  Do you need decorations?  Food?  Are games REALLY necessary?

Photo by clevercupcakes

Rumor has it the bridal shower custom derived back in the day (we’re talking centuries ago) from inability of the bride’s family to provide an appropriate dowry – either because they could not afford it or because the family did not approve of the union. As a result, the bride’s friends would get together and ‘shower’ the bride with gifts she and her betrothed could use in their new home.
Today the shower continues as a celebration to help prepare the bride as she enters a new phase in her life. The shower is typically more formal than a bachelorette party and is thrown by the bridal party or close friends of the bride. The bride’s mother or immediate family rarely hosts the shower – this, I’m sure – is a throw-back to the dowry days.

Where do you begin?  The best thing to do is to have a conversation with the bride. The questions you ask her will inevitably help plan the event so all you have to do when you’re done talking to her is execute!

How many showers is she having? Occasionally the bride may have multiple showers if more than one person has offered to host, if her initial headcount is too large or if she prefers to have separate showers for the various areas of her life – her family, her college friends, her church community, etc.

What is her estimated headcount? Don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you feel the headcount is too large, see if there are ways the bride can reduce it. The headcount will also help you determine the shower venue. If your home is too small, look into other alternatives like a local restaurant, clubhouse, the bride’s home or a nearby park.

What has she always envisioned her shower to be like? Whether it’s a springtime brunch or afternoon tea, design the shower around the bride’s tastes and interests. There’s nothing wrong with having an evening cocktail party shower or heading to the bowling lanes if that better suits the bride’s lifestyle.

Decorations? This is dependent on the space and location of the event. Often times a few vases of flowers on the table or around the room is all you need to create a warm and inviting atmosphere. You can always take it a step further depending on the theme of the shower or the bride’s interests.

What about the menu? What menu does she want and how will it be prepared?  If you are having it at a restaurant the good news is you can cross ‘Food Prep’ off your list. Will you have it catered? If so, by who? Will you do it all yourself or ask the bridal party to help? Is it tacky to ask your guests to bring a dish to share?  Not if you mention ‘potluck’ in the invitations.  What kind of cake or dessert does she want?  Please don’t forget to ask if she is aware of any food allergies her guests may have.

Pick a date! Showers are typically held within the last two months before the ‘I Dos’… It’s a hectic time for the bride as she finalizes the last details. Make sure you book it early and allow plenty of time to get the invitations out.

What about games? Many of you groan at the thought of bridal shower games. I have a confession… I love them ! It’s a great way to get the guests to interact and build a bond before the wedding day. Keep in mind the shower guests may come from all areas of the brides’ life and they may not know each other well if at all.  The games will loosen everyone up; get people acquainted and re-acquainted and hopefully share a giggle or friendly competition. The best way to not overdo the games is to limit it to two or three and spread them out over the course of the shower.

You hosted the shower, Do you have to give a gift? You’ve already put so much time and money into hosting shower, but etiquette states you are still expected to give a gift – after all the purpose of the shower is to provide gift. You can gift something personalized – something monogrammed or sentimental to the bride, something off of the registry or somehow related to the shower theme.  Typically you’d spend less on a shower gift than you would the wedding gift.

Documenting the day! Don’t forget to assign a shower photographer and post the photos on the http://www.theweddinglens.com/ shortly after the shower. It’s a great way to document the gifts the bride received, the guests that attended and all of the details you put together!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, don’t hesitate to enlist the aid of the bridal party or other close friends of the bride. Whatever your efforts, the bride will absolutely appreciate it.

- Anne