Don't Be Offended If You're Not Invited
One of your friends is getting married and you just assumed you would be invited. But you’re not. Please do not be offended! Weddings are difficult. They require both people to contend with family invitation requirements – which may include family, friends, cultural obligations. And they cost money! Here are a few tips:
Run on the assumption that you are not invited. While you would *love* to be there, you have to remember that it’s not always possible to include everyone under the sun.
If someone tells you they’re getting married and they tell you when, that is still not a save-the-date or an invitation. Don’t be disappointed if you receive neither.
Just because someone was a close friend or tells you the intimate details of the wedding planning, you may not be invited. I know! It’s just the reality. (Tip to the bride/groom: Don’t share the intimate details of the wedding planning with a formerly close friend – or anyone – who is not invited. It’s not very considerate of you.)
Obviously, there may be awkward situations where tact & understanding may not be the easiest route. Or you may not be as close to the couple as you thought.
If you do truly care about the couple, you’ll understand. And if you don’t get it or are angry about it – and you think it must be resolved to continue your friendship – then talk about it. Just bear in mind that you don’t want to bully your way into a wedding!
Good luck!
~ Natasha
Best Man Survival Guide
Lenicam
Laura Taylor
Eugene
Alouise
I had three friends who assumed they would be bridesmaids. I chose two best friends and my to be sister in law and had to deal with one very upset girl and the other two were a bit miffed, but were reasonable. In the end I only invited one of the three girls to the wedding as a guest anyway! We can’t afford a big wedding and also consider it to be an intimate event that for us is about family. I let the people know who have not be invited that it is not a statement about our friendship and would love to catch up afterwards. In retrospect now we really should have eloped – even though it will be a great day there have been so many complexities. All the cleashes are true! Including family division and seating – its like walking on egg shells. We hope one day to have a good laugh at how hideous it can be to organise a wedding! – As special a day as it is…
Weddings can definitely cause hard feelings, despite everyone’s best intentions. It’s too bad that some of your friends are not as understanding as you had hoped! Good luck! (And congratulations!!)