Wedding Etiquette: Last minute cancellations & invites
I received another wedding question:
If people bail late, how do you fill their spots? or should you? We are getting married next week and we had to turn in our final catering numbers last week. Now we’ve found out that there are 3 people who may have to cancel! Since we’ve already for them, we’d like to fill their spots. But then of course the people we’ll be inviting will know they didn’t make the A list or even the B list. Etiquette?
In researching this, there seems to be a resounding: don’t fill spots last minute.
However! I have a different philosophy on this that might work for some people. If you are inviting people who you like and who know that they weren’t invited to your wedding, I think they would be flattered to be invited — even if last minute. (Though I also know a few people who would be really hurt that they were invited last minute, so go figure.) I think you do this with candor:
“Hey, you know we were really having a hard time fitting in as many people as we wanted to during this whole wedding planning process. It actually turns out that we have room for a few more people and we would LOVE it if you would join us.”
Either they say yes or no and are offended or not. I tend to think that you cant be offended by candor & honesty. And really? If they’re THAT offended that you wanted them there at the last minute, I wonder if they’re really destined to be your friends.
Good luck! And I’m certain someone disagrees …. comment below!
~ Natasha
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It might not be perfect wedding etiquette to invite someone after the invitations go out, but if you do, this sounds like the best possible way to do it. Since my fiance and I are on a tight budget and had to edit our guest list this will definitely come in handy if we find out anyone cancels and we want to invite a few more friends last minute. Thanks!
Glad to help, Alyse! The person who submitted the question got married last week and she wrote back to me to tell me that all went swimmingly. The “new” invite completely understood and was just thrilled to be invited – even at the last minute. Good luck! (and congrats!!)
Hi
I have a similar dilema, I have a work colleague, whom I’m friendly with and many of us are in the same friend circle. He’s getting married in two weeks and another common friend has been invited long back, but this friend called me today and said he had some cancellations from relations and so wants to invite friends whom he previously had to edit from his list and would love if i could make it
I had commented to his fiance in the past few days on her online comments regarding the wedding and talk to them normally about their upcoming nuptuials and had offered my help too as I am relatively free at work but did not over do it (at least I think not)
I m not sure if I should accept as I don’t know if the reason is that other friends, closer ones, in our common friend circle are invited and he feels shamed to invite me? Or because I mentioned his wedding a few times, did I just hint at inviting myself?
I’m not offended to go at a last minute invite but just want to make sure the reasons as okay in my mind
Any advice?
Thanks
Hi there! Good question, but I think you can’t question why you’re invited. Sometimes the stars align a certain way and more people can be included. And maybe your offer reminded them that they would like to make room for you — and then they were able. Remember, if they didn’t want to invite you, they wouldn’t!
Have a great time!
I have an interesting situation trying to work out. We have an overflow room for guest since the wedding hall is to small. In an attempt to include this extra room we are having part of the processional walk through the overflow room. I keep on going back and forth as to how I want them to do this…as far as the direction I mean…( this extra overflow rooms has many entrances – so they have several options) I have toyed around with them going up from behind as in the traditional way and this would be towards the screen that will be up front and then taking a right out the side door at the front…but lately I have been thinking that I would rather do it the other way because of the screen up front and to keep with the general idea of heading towards the main sanctuary. This would mean that the side door at the front would open and the party would come in and go to the main aisle and walk towards the back and thus kind of walking towards the main sanctuary.. rehearsal is in a few days and so I am asking for suggestions so we dont have chaos durning the rehearsal… I was just thinking that the flow would be better having them not walk forwards to nothing …any thoughts ladies or gentlemen…bring them on…