Wedding Question: Bridesmaids Speech?

3 Written by natasha on July 14, 2010 – 8:16 am

We just received this question from our of our readers and I’m guessing it might apply to others. I have abridged the question a bit for space sake. Remember, we’re always happy to help you with any questions you might have on capturing your wedding memories, wedding planning, the wedding process. Just email us! natasha@theweddinglens.com.

I am going to be a bridesmaid (not Maid of Honor) in my sister’s wedding. My sister and I are 11 years apart. I don’t really share my secrets with her, and we aren’t really close sisters.  However, she has always been kind to me, giving me advices about growing up and helping me with homework.  I know as only a bridesmaid I don’t have to give a speech, but I feel like I have to since she’s my sister and giving a speech will really mean something to her.  So the question is how long should my speech be?  What should I even be talking about?  Also, I’m pretty shy and have a fear of public speaking.  Would it be rude to read off notecards or would I have to memorize the speech?  In addition, would I have to give a whole another speech for the rehearsal dinner?

I’m going to take this one part at a time…

Should I speak at my sister’s wedding?

It’s great that you want to speak at your sister’s wedding and I’m sure she will be very grateful.  That said, it’s really up to her if she “wants” you to speak. Some couples create strict timelines and really don’t expect anyone to speak; others expect multiple people to give speeches. So my first tip: ask her if she would like you to give a speech. I’m sure she’ll be flattered that you even asked. Then you can start thinking about what to say….

What should I talk about?

Assuming she would like you to, you can talk about whatever you feel comfortable. A good strategy is to come up with a story of one time when she did something that really impressed you. Remember, you’re talking about her and your relationship with her… it isn’t about you. You want to share with your family and her friends a tidbit about your relationship with her — something that they wouldn’t necessarily know. If you know her fiance well, you can talk about their relationship as well. But only speak about what you feel comfortable speaking about.

How can I get over my fears of public speaking? Can I use notecards?

At weddings, people have different strategies. I was once a maid of honor in a wedding where I memorized the stories I wanted to tell (but not the specific wording) and the best man read from notecards. We were both nervous, but we handled it in ways that made sense for us. So yes, use notecards if you want!

My best tip on allaying fears of speaking is this: remember you’re speaking to people who are so happy and sharing this beautiful day with your sister. Everyone is there because they love the couple — as do you! So you can’t really go wrong. No one cares if you stutter, mix up words, drop your note cards, shake, cry… you name it. In fact, in the speech I gave as MOH, I stopped mid-speech because I started to cry and lost my speech. In the video later, it turns out that I didn’t pause for too long and it was just fine. It was honest. You can’t go wrong with honest.

If I speak at the wedding, do I also speak at the rehearsal dinner?

Finally, in terms of speaking at the rehearsal dinner, again it is up to your sister. She might not want any speeches or she might prefer that you speak at the rehearsal dinner. In my experience, it is rare that the same person speaks at both the dinner and the wedding.

Good luck!

~ Natasha