Wedding Question: Inviting Children to the Wedding Ceremony Only?

Comment Written by natasha on September 1, 2010 – 5:00 am

photo by nostri-imago

I am getting married next fall and I really want my niece (who is only 9 months old now) to be in the wedding ceremony as a flower girl! But then I also dont really want to have children at the wedding reception. I just feel like I dont want my niece to take over the attention and I dont want my sister and her husband to not be able to drink and dance because they’re worried about her. Is it ok to only have her for the ceremony and not the reception? Is it rude to ask that of my sister and her husband?

Well, first of all, thank you for your question! This situation comes up more frequently than you would think. People are often conflicted about whether to invite children to their weddings or not. There are definitely pros and cons and a lot of the decision depends on what is going on in your life and in the lives of your friends.

The final answer is: of course you can do whatever you would like. The more intricate answer involves how to handle the feelings of everyone involved.

My general feeling about how to handle delicate situations is candor. Tell your sister NOW that you are thinking you want to have your niece in the wedding but that you also are concerned about having her at the wedding reception. Explain why and be very honest about your reasons for not wanting her to be at the reception.

Obviously this is not easy, but it is important to make people understand your expectations as early as possible. Your sister will need to figure out how to get your niece from the ceremony to a babysitter and from the babysitter to them again.

If your sister is from out of town, come up with a list of babysitters or daycares who can help take care of your niece during the wedding reception. One of the most difficult parts of being from out of town is finding a place for a child to GO during a wedding. (Incidentally, this goes for both the ceremony and reception if you dont want kids at the ceremony either)

In terms of communicating the “no kids” to everyone else, there are a few ways to do that. 1) “Adult reception to follow” on the wedding invitation; 2) word of mouth – passing along the word; 3) information on your website or via email regarding babysitters or child care facilities for the wedding.

Dont be afraid to do what you want, but do make sure you explain and give advance warning to those who this will affect. They will need to make plans to accomodate themselves too.

Good luck!

~ Natasha