The Oblivious Bride – Who Officiates the Officiant, Part 3

Comment Written by jenny on July 26, 2010 – 5:00 am

My fiance, Chris, has officiated 7 weddings and is wrapping up his lessons for other first-time officiants in Part 3 of his installment of “Who Officiates the Officiant?“

A Personal Touch

Over the course of this series I’ve talked about the prime customer, preparation, and some tips to help you through the ceremony. To close the series, I wanted to come back to one of the fundamental benefits to the couple when they choose a trusted friend or relative to be their officiant: A personal touch.

Personal touches have everything to do with how well you know the couple. One of my couples asked me to tell the story about when they first met. It’s a romantic enough story when they tell it, but as the third party to the actual first meeting, I am able to give it a mischievous and funny twist which turned out to be an excellent way to begin their ceremony.

When emotions are running high, I try to help the couple know that I am there for them; maybe a small inside joke, or by simply reminding them how much I care about them. Sometimes, the smallest gesture can make a huge impact, and will be nearly invisible to the rest of the audience. Just before each ceremony I take an extra heart-beat and one more deep breath; checking in with the couple with a friendly and informal nod to remind them that all this pomp is here specifically for them: “Look at all this amazing stuff! Are they ready to start?” I think you will find that there are spaces and opportunities for these elements throughout the ceremony. And when I get to the end, I always – absolutely – own the last and best part of the ceremony: when I hold the honor of being the first to introduce the new couple.

After the ceremony, one of my favorite things to do with my couples is to get together with the two other witnesses to sign the marriage certificate. Typically, I have found that couples elect to sign the certificate after the actual ceremony itself, but many couples opt to sign the certificate prior to the ceremony as they know their schedule constraints and prefer to get the paperwork out of the way. As their officiant, it is really amazing to pull together only those people that are most trusted – maybe two to four others tops – to be present when the official document is completed. Invite them all to take a deep breath, share a glass of wine, take a special photo. Together, remember the reasons the couple has chosen their Best Man and Maid of Honor and the impact they have had on each others’ lives. Taking this small break following months of planning, after the emotions of the ceremony, and just before the non-stop fervor of the reception can be one of the most magical and memorable contributions that an officiant holds the power to realize.

One last slice of personalization that I highly recommend to every officiant is to turn the written ceremony into a gift to the couple on their first anniversary. Every ceremony that I have performed came out slightly different than what went down on paper. In fact, day-of changes scribbled into the margins or hastily lined-through – because the cousin will now read, rather than the Mother – help tell a deep and nuanced story that isn’t captured elsewhere in the Wedding remembrances. Whether indoors or out, I recommend binding the ceremony in some way; remember a heavy wind screws up microphones but even light breeze or small bump will scatter your loose pages everywhere. With your ceremony already bound, it is an easy task to find an elegant covering with the names of the couple and the date. As the traditional first anniversary gift is one of paper, the actual ceremony as read, with notes, makes an excellent personal gift.

- Chris

Jenny’s Note:  While we called this 3-part series “Who Officiates the Officant”, the person we have chosen as our officiant will remain a secret! 

Next week: The Oblivious Bride returns with Traditions: Old & New